Aslan Malfunction

I got a few letters about a little slip up I made in one of my earliest blog entries. It was corrected and will not recur. I and my attorney would like to express my deepest apology to all the fundamentalist lions who wrote to express concerns. Although you are only .02% of my fans, you represent a full 99.8% of the hate mail the FCC received about my little website in the year or two since we went live. You are a very important part of how I carved out this small position in the world. Obviously, I meant no disrespect when I said "I am more popular than Aslan." Admittedly, that was my sister's typo, as I do not type. What I remember saying was "I am more popular than GW." Obviously, that makes no sense, as GW isn't very popular right now. I and my attorney didn't mean to offend readers who may be sensitive to anti-Aslan rhetoric. I've been told on good authority that the indecent comment has been pulled from the earlier blog, and won't be reposted. Hopefully this clarifies everything. We here at Dig Litter would appreciate if the National Right To Lions Institute and the Parents Television Council could please discontinue their email petition campaign to close my website. I'm just a lion. A small and very handsome lion. Sincerely, Cooper [and Jackie Chiles, Legal Council]

I'll Never Understand Dog

After seeing this, I'm uncertain I'll ever be able to spell dog backward again.

Ask a Feline: Love at First Barista

Alistair N. writes: "My Darling Cooper, I am a hopeless romantic. Every morning the barista at my favorite coffee shop sends me personal messages in the foam caps of my lattes, and I can not for the life of me read the signals. Near Halloween, my latte arrives with a toothy pumpkin swirled into its foam head. When hanukkah arrives, my swirls turn to the billowing golden caps of challah bread. Near to Christmas day, my latte appears table side adorned with frothy snowmen, christmas trees and when I'm lucky, the body of Christ, nails and all, hanging from a dark espresso cross. Even president's day isn't left off the calendar, when I swear I see Nixon staring back at me. Could be Ford. I can't be certain. Anyway...

It is about the regular days that I write you... On regular days I receive the sweetest, most personal message swirled into my foam: a simple expression of love: the human heart.

Does my Barista love me or is it a passing crush?

- Alistair N. (the guy across the street who notices when you vacuum late at night)"

Cooper responds: Dear Alistair, I don't vacuum but thanks for thinking of me if I did. My humans take care of the vacuuming for me and Moxie (I just hang out at a safe distance and watch). About your question... Did you find true love in your mug of joe? The answer you seek is within:

Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again

Ninjas live for the night. Why would they schedule a parade at 10am?

Doublemoron

Moxie's heart hasn't stopped palpitating since Bo's visit a year ago.

Bo knows I'm a Catninja. I know secret moves that will keep him up at night worrying about small menacing furry creatures with claws. Like ME. Psycho human clipped my nails this morning. He's always getting in my business.

Hard to be a Domesticated Catninja. Sounds like a doublemoron.

Hey... doublemoron isn't even a word, is it? I just made it up! Doublemoron! I'm a genius. Gotta run tell Moxie.

Bo Schmo

So Bo came back yesterday. He's the ninja dog that can walk through walls and steal the hearts of humans. He doesn't scare me. I looked into his soul and saw that he was good. Moxie wet her fur. Ha, Ha.